It’s safe to say I’ve been officially single since Summer 2013. Thinking back now, time sure does fly. It’s been three solid years single, alone, and on my own. I confess in three years I’ve tried to talk to a handful but dated maybe one or two people lightly, but nothing solid. Reality is, it is what it is.
My post today is solely about myself, my experience and opinion on topic of myself being single, since it’s constantly being brought up. You know the “you have a boyfriend? (No) What! How can a beautiful/educated/smart/talented/hardworking/loving young lady like yourself be single?” – Yes folk, I’ve heard it way too many times and while this inquiry has gotten old and cumbersome, truth is there are a handful in my age range who are single with no specific reason at all other than the last person they spoke to, didn’t work out. While it’s never okay to give up on love, in my book, it’s worse to..rush and jump into things based on feelings without logic, and much worse, settle!
As much as I’d love having someone as my companion, I’m in no rush. I’ve never been a person to be pressed or desperate. The day I am for a man, you’ll know. I admit on the other hand, there are days I feel hopeless in a lonely manner. Fault me if you will for being human, but hey, that’s why God created Eve for Adam. Companionship is something we naturally desire. So yea, there are days I yearn greatly for my future best friend and the idea to be able to have someone to grow and build a future with; you know a person I can call and lean on when I don’t feel so strong (or vice versa). Who doesn’t want a “it’s us, against the world”?
So singleness… How do I do it? How have I remained single so long? Well frankly, a girl like me, if I’m still single, it’s by choice, trust me. Lord knows if I really wanted somebody all that bad, I could be hasty in finding any boy to call a man, and settle on that, but I’m not that kind of woman. Regardless, singleness is always a choice. A choice I can categorize as tough knowing we live in a world of endless options, endless opportunity, and constant change. So what’s my hitch? If I’ve options and want someone, why not give in? Well, it’s called principle, morals and values. When you have thos three in check, it’s not hard. My tactics:
- Focus on me. We all have luggage. We are all insecure about something. Nobody is perfect. There’s always room for growth. With that said, three years, you can best believe there’s a ton of growth that’s happened with me for the good, but that’s always subjective. I’ve chosen to focus on myself by investing in myself to be the best person I can be when my next comes along. How? I love on myself whenever possible, and as I’ve learned more about me, I’m aware of the areas I need to work on. I’ve learned, the focus shouldn’t be finding someone to meet my status quo, but rather making sure I meet the mark, you know? That alone has called for a lot of me time and a lot of reflection. The goals is to be the best person I can be for someone else. It’s important to me to be ready mentally & spiritually above all else. Insecurity is never cute nor is carrying luggage from past relationships that have failed.
- Never Settle. Once you know your value there’s no such thing as settling. Ever. I for one don’t believe in raising a boy who should be my man, no sir! And I don’t believe that just cause someone has interest in me, they by default deserve any bit of what is my own. I say this because I’ve had many bitter because I choose to say “No.” Fact is I lose value settling and compromising things that make me great just to accommodate someone’s short comings. Every guy who spits basic game at me deserves nothing. My desire is extraordinary and I will only invest in extraordinary. As a Queen, I deserve a King. The best example I’ve ever heard is that of a vending machine. Think about it: you put in your money and you select what you’re investing in. Are you happy and content when the item you paid for doesn’t drop? NO! But you are happy when you get exactly what you invested in. This is similar when it comes to the men you choose and allow to put time and energy in. Lets not settle. Don’t do it to yourself.
- Patience. Major key! Let me not act as though there aren’t times I ask God out loud “Where’s my man?… I’m being a good girl and I’m still single.” (LOL) I start to lose my patience and while it’s acceptable sometimes because I’m eager as a human to have a counterpart, it’s not okay to lose it and end up just falling for the next guy because he conveniently popped up at the right time. As mentioned, it’s been three solid years and if that’s not patience, I don’t know what is. I’ve heard some friends say “Oh Christine, why you being so anal and wasting time being single and not fully happy?” and I think it’s bull—- because truth is I’m not wasting time being patient with having standards (high or not, thats also subjective). I’d much rather be patient and not actually waste my time giving into purposeless relationships here and there, and invest the right time in nurturing / growing that one purposeful relationship that will come along in due time and last me several years (maybe even lead to marriage) over months. Losing patience and giving into simply having someone for convenience or maybe to feel relevant, loved/wanted and important is not okay. Sidebar: If you’re in it for any of those reasons, refer back to #1 & #2. In the long haul, it’s draining starting over constantly and lastly it damaging (emotionally, mentally, and spiritually). All in all, everything adds up, especially time, and time is never something you can make up.
And that’s it. At twenty four years of age, I’ve grown to learn to accept the cards I’ve been dealt. I’m single and there are a ton more like myself. Sometimes I may feel lame but at the end of every day my truth is that when the time is right, what is meant to be will be by God’s grace. I may get lonely, semi hasty, even upset but it’s my choice for all the right reasons. Ultimately, I have faith in what’s in store for me next will be worth three, five, or even ten years. Good things take time. Time investing in me, time figuring out the characteristics that will define a guy good enough for me, and time to simply find my next best match.
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