My parents are the type to see that things are not okay with me, and NEVER ask “what’s up?” “how are you?” “what’s wrong?” “is everything okay?” or even “I noticed… are you ok?” ! NEVER….
Instead, they will get mad, complain, and/or find something to pick a fight about rather than simply communicate! Afterwards they still expect that afterwards I would want to communicate or have conversations at all. They lost me on that one a while back. Tell me, why would I feel comfortable at all speaking to them when they treat me like a bad dog? How can they hold such an expectation when they don’t even try to communicate with me?
This observation hit me late last night. Like, no wonder I have certain hard to shake habits. Meanwhile, everyone is pointing fingers at me like I’m the bad guy. No, I’ve simply been through 25 years of life with parents that overlook a lot of what is happening with me and don’t ever seems to care to ask before jumping to conclusions and making whatever I’m personally dealing with an even bigger stress factor. It hurts. I never saw this epiphany prior but voila, it finally came to me! God decided to open my mind and eyes; now I have a better view of why I am the way I am in certain aspects.
I’ve longtime felt as though depression lived in me. I’ve also longtime felt anxiety in select situations too. Truth is, I’m not sure how depression became a thing because I once was without it, so I say it’s partially a mindset that can be manipulated to an extent. I’m bringing this up because my epiphany has opened a window of fresh air for me to breath through knowing I can let out a big weight off my shoulders now that I have pinpointed a cause to some of my lifelong trauma. In my mind, it’s rehab time. Frankly, it always is. But this right here is really significant.
I mean, you’d think I’d have more of my ish together at 25 but fact is I do not. At 25, within the last 24 hours, I’m just pinpointing to comprehend why in relationships I ask so much for someone to “prove” to me they care by consistently communicating with me, checking in periodically, and being present almost always… all because it’s been the missing factor in my home most of my life. I’ve honestly longed for such communication and action, which to me is a depiction of love in my language, for all this time without knowing why I can be so needy in that sense. All of the pains I’ve gone through have just been a ripple effect of what my parents have never tapped into. Talk about parenting and relationships, this is major I believe, as I feel I’ve hit the jackpot with this epiphany.
I feel robbed some joy just discovering this. I even want to apologize where my non-understanding then has hurt those I’ve loved. I’m happy to now discover more about what makes me me. Now I all I can do is work on myself in light of this epiphany and grow forwards. And going back to depression and anxiety, I believe this will help place a greater patience in me with others as I have managed for the most part with my parents. In the meantime, realizing that my biggest love language is consistent communication, I can relay it better to those who choose stick around. I also can grow to be more patient and curb the habit of thinking non-communication always equals no love when it doesn’t. Instead it can mean a variety of things that I do not need to take so personal.
The moral in all of this is that no one is perfect in their roles and the key to lasting relationships of any kind like the one I have with my parents (despite their faults) is tons of patience, love, prayer and understanding. It’s important to also always take time to listen above all to the people who you say you love and reflect on both their needs as well as your own. Finding the balance is major. Now that I’ve tapped into all this, it’s time to try to mend a few things in my own life but first I’d like to address the parents who may be reading this. I ask you give your child the opportunity to feel accepted enough that they may share more with you, but also build the communication skills they need for life. Trust me, prying once in a while won’t hurt anybody. It’s valuable to be present and aware of what’s going on in your youth’s life.
I hope you were able to perhaps take away from this personal experience of my life I opened up on. I know some may fault me in being so transparent but there is no growth without vulnerability in my book. We must all sometimes be able to share our struggles in recognition of our victories. Now whether you believe in God or not, He is good, all the time. Remember that. This may’ve taken me 25 years to unravel but that’s better than never. Leave your comments below and let me know what you think. xo.